For the past decade I was trying to become more responsible, more impressive, more professional, more adult, all while becoming less and less like me.

As cliché as it sounds, I am finding myself again. I’m rediscovering parts of my life that were neglected for years. It had been too long since I had a heart to heart with a friend or revisited poems written during that summer of 2009. For the past decade I was trying to become more responsible, more impressive, more professional, more adult, all while becoming less and less like me.

Once the weight of those expectations lifted, instead of feeling empty or lost, I felt free. The place where anxiety and frustration once was, cleared away, and wonderful things rose up to fill that space. Friends that I lost touch with over the years came back into my life. Old stories sitting on shelves were read again with fresh eyes. Those half-done projects around the house finally finished.

This time has been fertile ground for pondering questions long ignored and discovering joys long forgotten. Now I finally have the freedom to tend to those parts, some overgrown with weeds and others needing just a little sunshine to flourish again.

What areas of your life need a little more TLC these days?


  1. What a true statement you made about working to be more “insert expectation here” and finding yourself becoming less you. It’s true for many of us and sad as well. I like to believe that once we realize it though, it’s not something we’re likely to do again. Once we find ourselves after that much neglect, there is a committment made to ourselves, whether spoken or not, that radiates “You are never alone. I am here.” Great post and great points to changingcoursenow as well!

    1. I hope that is true as well! I think when we learn those hard lessons, we can never completely unlearn them. It certainly helps to have a supportive community like I’ve found through this blog. People who validate those feelings and push you along with their encouraging words. It is such a wonderful thing to know, “You are never alone. I am here.” Sometimes that’s all you need to move forward, however scary it may be.

  2. Maryn, just read this post and realized exactly where I stand right now. Still trying to unpeel the layers of expectations I put on myself each day – ideas I’ve picked up from the media that tell me what I should look like, talk like, be like. What do my kids expect from me? What does my husband expect from me? Hell, what does my 91 year-old mother expect from me? How do we remove that weight and begin to bloom from the inside? I’m ready.

    1. I am in the middle of it too. For most of my life I was going after some carrot, ignoring the process and rushing to the next thing. When I left my job, it felt like I was sitting at the train station, fumbling with my maps, trying to figure out my next move. All these trains rumble past and I was tempted to jump on one just to feel like I was going somewhere, anywhere…but I’ve learned it’s better to wait out those anxious feelings because they can take you so very far from where you meant to go.

      Just give yourself time, permission to slow down, and be okay sitting with that uncertainty, in that blank space for awhile. It’s detox for the mind…let all those expectations and fears and desires settle to the bottom, so you can move forward with some clarity. It sounds like you are embarking on a new chapter and I hope it is a joyful one. Look forward to hearing more about it!

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