Love in the Present Moment

Throughout my life there have been periods where I can’t make much sense of anything. I go to therapy, I read books and articles, but I still feel this sense of being lost and surrounded by this big cloud of uncertainty.

I start second guessing who I am and where I’m headed and just feel very distant from purpose. I get up, go to work, come home without really understanding what it’s all for.

After stumbling around for months, I’ll find my way back to words. While they have not shown up on this blog for some time, I have been eeking out scribbles in my journal…mostly questions like, “Am I on the right path?” “Is it time for a change?” “How can I carry on?”

I have been thinking so much about the future lately and whether I’m really setting myself up for the kind of life I can fully inhabit and enjoy. In my desire to create some perfect plan (or exit strategy), I miss the moments that are happening now.

As much as I still would like to know where I’m headed, I’m learning to enjoy the small everyday things until the fog clears. Enjoying a cup of fancy tea that I bought in NYC on a work trip. Laying on the couch with my boyfriend and running my fingers through his hair. Reading old love letters and poems that have been sitting in boxes for years.

I found this in an email that I wrote to my boyfriend almost 3 years ago (back when emails dared to be so vulnerable)…

We are here for a time and then we die, so we might as well try at something we really love while we’re here. We might as well push ourselves and chip away at achieving exactly what we set out to do. To experience flights of power and profound disappointment. To live at the height of our potential and not shy away from all that we are and desire.  

Perhaps I will never figure anything out, but I will keep trying and I can love while I’m here.

 

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4 comments

  1. Hi Maryn, it was nice to see your post come up on my reader. I like your idea of finding something to love in the moment. Sometimes that’s the only way to get through the periods of uncertainty or restlessness. 🙂

    1. Hi Maria! Yes, I think you’re right….whenever I think about what truly matters, a lot of the stuff I’m stressing about doesn’t have as strong of a hold on me. This living in the moment stuff is not easy, but I’m working it 🙂

  2. I can really relate to you and this post Maryn. I’ve spent much of my life in confusion, asking questions and not really living. I’m glad that you realize the value in enjoying the little things and striving to love and live in the moment. I’m just learning that in my 50s! 🙂

    1. Hey Brad! Great to hear from you. It is definitely a process and it’s nice to know we’re learning that lesson together. Here’s to finding more joy in the little things!

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